I've given up a part of me
by theinklesspen
Summary: --i've let myself become you-- As Malik is being torn out of his body and his yami takes control, a few thoughts pass through his mind about himself and his yami--songfic to linkin park's figure.09


Theinklesspen- airy

I've given up a part of me

Songfic to Linkin Park's Figure.09

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Linkin Park's song Figure.09, nor do I own Yugioh

Airy: I'm not so sure about this fic, but I thought the idea was too good just to let pass…heh…um, don't kill me.

Summary: As Malik is being banished from his body by his yami, a few thoughts bypass his mind.

Airy: Crappy summary- but frankly, I'm not too sure how to summarize it. I heard the song and I was like, "Wow, it's perfect for a malik centered fic." So I started writing it, aiming for little episodes and flashbacks and what not. But now that I look at it, I don't know what it is -_-;;

Anyhow, indulge!

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_Nothing ever stops all these thoughts_

_And the pain attached to them…_

As I stood there despairing, as I faded, my yami whispered to me,

"It never goes away."

_Hearing your name_

_the__ memories come back again_

_I remember when it started happening_

_I'd see you in every thought I had_

My eyes are wide open, but it is no use. It's overwhelming my mind. 

_Now I see _

Look, a little boy is struggling against two cloaked figures in a dim tunnel. See the torches, once hallowed by him, now emitting harsh flames. See there, those are the gates that passed him on, passed him into a torment. In his eyes, there it is - the grim face of his father. Feel the blade. Feel how he is held down. Feel how as the dagger slices his skin, so does it shred away his trust.

Why do I hear his screams? Why do I know he's drowning in darkness - his soul torn asunder?

That little boy… 

was me.

_[That] I took what I hated and made it a part of me_

I hated hate. Loathed what it did to me. I hated it and needed it, I needed it to hate.

I needed the darkness. It was the only thing I had left to hang on to. It ripped me into little tiny pieces, but kept all of me. With it, I was still whole.

_It never goes away_

My bane led me to power. Destroyer and maker. Controlling me as I controlled others – And as I steadily advanced toward revenge, I was not alone. My vengeance feeds of off itself and grows stronger. **We, together, destroyed and re-forged me. We – I – him.**

_And now_

_You've become a part of me_

He was always in the back of my mind. Waiting, like a latent virus. But to rid of him, would to be rid away a part of me. And I can't survive without my darkness. My hate. My need.

_You'll always be right here_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

They ask me if I have self control, and I say I do. For he controls me, and he is me.

But I am lying.

I know I am. He controls **us**. **We have self control. **

Yet he is me.

So this question of self control is unanswerable.

This is what makes me afraid.

_I can't separate myself _

I do not know if it is me or him. We've become one. We were one in the first place. I confuse myself over this simple thing. The simple fact that I have changed, my hate has molded me into **us** – me – him. 

_[From] what I've done_

I killed my father – for killing me. He murdered who I was.

No, that's not right.

I didn't kill him, my hate did. One life for another. I knew not at that time; but I see it now. Now more than ever. It is a wild blur, blood and metal and tears.

_I've given up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

I went to seek revenge for something I did. I sought to kill the killer of the killer. I sought to murder myself again. I'm laughing now. Because it was not me, it was him. Believe me! It was not me, no…no…it couldn't have been me. 

_Get away from_

_Me_

So I am insane. So I am thinking in circles. So I am. So what? Is there a difference between those who are sane and those who are not?

_Gimme__ my space back_

_You gotta just go_

I wish he would leave so I can breathe again. I wish he would leave and give me back the pieces that he stole. The pieces of myself. 

_Everything comes down to memories of you_

So this is my nightmare. Memories. I'd love to lose them. I'd love to lose my past. Please, banish me from these memories, banish me from this part of me. Banish my everything. My need. For it is immortal.

_I've let myself become you_

_I've let myself become lost inside these_

_Thoughts of you_

I stand here shrieking and wringing my hands, trying to wash the blood stains off. But I can't, they're mine. They are me. And I can't wash myself away. He won't let me.

He lives off me.

Not depending on me; using me.

And I let him.

_Giving up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

It never goes away.

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airy: If you have a better summary, please do tell me. If you hated it- no need to rub it in my face. 

Please review.


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